i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
