Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
