In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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