Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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