my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
