Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
