i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
