My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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