I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize