I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
