My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
