drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
