Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize
