im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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