she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
