this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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