hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
