I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
