i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
