I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
