My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
