she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize