i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
