There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
