I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
A+ Viking dick
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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