You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
