He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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