she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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