Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
