i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
