Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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