Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
