After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
