Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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