remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
