This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
