She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
