I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
