Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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