remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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