I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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