I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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