I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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