She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
