The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
