I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
