i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
