I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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