happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
