In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
