Your face is a jimmy john
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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