I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
