You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
