i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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