You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
