My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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