I want to have your abortion
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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