I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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