Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You smell like a Billy Joel song
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
