I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
