I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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