your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
