I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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