Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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