im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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