I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
