Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
