Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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